Mommy Guilt

I'm basically an over-achiever with insanely high aspirations and very poor follow through, which has led to years of mommy guilt when I couldn't meet all of these lofty and unrealistic goals for my family. The thing is, now that I've been doing this for 24 years, I've started to realize that the things I felt so guilty about are not the things that my kids really cared about anyway. I was disappointed that I didn't paint that amazing mural on their wall that I had promised, or been able to pay for taekwondo lesssons or build them a treehouse or bake awesome cookies for line leader day, but really what they appreciate most are the times I take one of them to the store with me and we just enjoy being together, or when I stop to play a game with them, or when I take the time to give my 7yo a "hair salon" when I wash her hair (pretend we're in a spa, give her a scalp massage, etc.). It's these things that are so easy to do and take so little of my time or effort that really matter in the long run.

This morning when I woke up, I was being squished between my 7yo and 4yo. At first I was annoyed, I started thinking about all of the things I had to do today and felt frustrated because I wasn't ready to wake up yet, but then I remembered... this is probably one of the last times I will ever get to do this. My older kids are teens and adults, before I know it these two little ones will be too big to want to come snuggle in mom's bed. I spent 15 minutes rubbing my son's soft little hand and snuggling my nose into my daughter's silky hair and thinking about what is really important.

The most important thing, in my experience, is just letting your kids know how much you love them. Yes, it's great to want to help them achieve great things in their lives, but it's more important for them to know they are loved. It is awesome if you can do special stuff with and for them, but it's more important to just love them in the ordinary times. As long as you are doing that, the rest of the big stuff will sort itself out. What my adult kids remember most about their childhood is not all of the big stuff I tried (and failed) to do for them, it was the silly little things we did together during the course of a day, like singing loudly in the car to the radio on the way to the grocery store or reading to them before they went to sleep. They aren't upset with me for not building the bunkbed or buying them a cool swingset, no piano lessons, no big expensive vacations. I didn't screw up, I did my best with what I had, and that's all you can do.

Today I lay in bed thinking of all the ways I can let my kids know how much I love them. As long as I keep doing that, I have nothing to feel guilty about.